It's Not Mine
by thebigianthead
Summary: Tony hears from an old girlfriend, one who turned out to be married when they were dating, but is she calling with good news? Turns out it's not good news, but Ziva and McGee are pretty happy about it for another reason. Just a little reverse teasing.


It's Not Mine

Rated K+

Disclaimer is the normal one for I own nothing and am making nothing.

This short story takes place 13 months after the season 3 episode "The Voyeur's Web."

NCIS~~NCIS~~NCIS

Tony walked from the elevator, certain that he was on time. It had been a terrible morning that had continued from a terrible evening and he held out hope that the day at work would be so much better. Ziva and McGee were at their desks, but Gibbs was nowhere around, at least that he could see.

"Good morning," Ziva chimed, a broad smile lighting her face when she saw him arrive.

"Yea," Tony grumbled, but not as harshly as he would have if McGee had spoken first. Tim did not speak to Tony but someone else did.

"You're late." Tony's head jerked so hard he might have dislocated something important. Where had Gibbs come from? And no he wasn't late. He was sure he'd been on time.

Gibbs didn't wait for a response from his senior field agent. "I fielded a call for you this morning. You either haven't checked your voicemail or you aren't returning calls."

Did he want to know? A couple of women he had dated were still so pissed at him. He didn't respond for a few seconds until curiosity won out. "Calls, boss?"

"Yes DiNozzo, calls from." Gibbs put an exotic sounding accent on the name. "Monica."

"Monica?" Tony's voice had squeaked a little bit. OMG Monica! Perfect, too good to be true Monica who had turned out to be too good to be true.

"Yes, DiNozzo, Monica. Except I didn't speak to her."

Not Monica? Then who? Her Mother? Her sister? Had something happened to her? Maybe she left him something in her will. They did have some very nice times together. Ziva and Tim were looking quite smug and Tony knew in his gut that they both knew exactly what was going on. Oh no, her husband? Double crap. "Who'd you speak to, Boss?"

Gibbs was now standing right in front of Tony's desk staring at him with that look. You know which one I mean. In a low voice he told Tony, "A producer from The Maury Show."

What? The Maury Show? A producer? Television. Cool. For that instant, one fatal instant, Tony forgot about Monica and a phone call having something to do with him. It was television and that could only be a good thing, right? "Wow, boss. What did they want?"

The stern face of his boss snapped him back to reality in a big hurry. It was punctuated by the bushy graying eyebrows and the smirk. Oh, a smirking Gibbs was never a good thing. "Boss?"

"Well, I don't know exactly. She wouldn't tell me."

McGee and Ziva were barely keeping it together. They knew all about it, as much as Gibbs knew anyway and their imaginations had filled in the blanks. And the internet helped too because what they hadn't known everything about the TV program that they knew now and it was hilarious. The Maury Show was famous for several things including lie detector tests for suspected cheaters, makeovers, wild teens and paternity testing and the two had spent several minutes gathering information from the official website.

Tony's day hadn't gotten better. In fact it had gotten worse. Wanting nothing more than to go home and back to bed so he could start over, he cautiously reached out his hand for the paper with the phone number on it that Gibbs was offering.

"Call 'em back." The order had been delivered and Gibbs had returned to his desk. Tim and Ziva had wisely stayed quiet and were busy trying to look busy while still keeping an eye on Tony and on Gibbs too because one never knew when that man would sneak up behind them.

A minute later Tony had done his own internet search and had a bad feeling about what the producer of the show wanted of him. If he had returned Monica's phone calls weeks ago then he wouldn't be in this pickle now.

Thirty minutes later he was standing at the urinal in the bathroom wondering when life had gotten so complicated. Okay not life, relationships. Specifically dating. Dating was complicated. It hadn't always been that way but in the last couple of years things had spiraled and he'd found himself looking for something besides the sex. He always used protection, but nothing was 100%. Did this have to happen now and with her? He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and waited, expecting laughter from someone, but nothing happened because thankfully he was alone.

Returning to the squad room he found his chair occupied by Ziva with Tim perched on the edge of the desk. He peered around and then up to see Gibbs with Director Vance outside of MTAC. Crap, did everybody know? Of course Gibbs knew, even though he'd not said much yet. He always knew everything, but the director? Resigned to whatever happens happens, he turned to face Ziva and McGee and take whatever they felt like pelting him with and he knew it would be brutal. Ziva's smile made Tony think about the big, bad wolf right before he devoured grandma.

"I remember the words you used to describe Monica. You said she was the whole package; beauty, class and sophistication."

Tony's eyes narrowed as he glared at her. Ziva hadn't said anything about her being married or the La Perla negligee he had purchased for Monica's birthday gift. It was just a matter of time. Oh, he knew this day would be as bad or worse than his evening had been.

McGee picked up on the tension and after glancing at Ziva he asked, "So, you going on the show?"

Tony almost couldn't believe the kid had suggested it. It was television but definitely not a program he needed to be seen on.

Ziva chuckled and grinned at McGee before telling Tony, "We need to know so that we can get tickets and arrange for time off."

Closing his eyes DiNozzo willed it all to go away. 'Oh please,' he silently prayed, 'at least let us catch a case and have all this be on hold. There is no telling what Abby, Ducky and Palmer will have to say about it all.'

"Gear up."

Tony thought he was dreaming. His eyes popped open and he saw the others scrambling for their stuff. All except Gibbs.

"Not you, DiNozzo."

"Boss?"

The man was grinning at him and for a second Tony thought it was all a cruel joke. But then Gibbs' eyes asked the question and Tony knew the only way he was getting out of the building was if he had the right answer.

"It's not mine."

"You sure?"

Tony shook his head, resigned to the truth. "Paternity test next week and no, I won't be attending the taping of the show." He still couldn't believe Monica's husband had contacted Maury and was going through with it.

"They agreed you stay anonymous?"

Tony nodded, moving to follow Gibbs to the elevator where Ziva and Tim were waiting.

Gibbs recognized the faraway look on Tony's face and in his eyes and lowered his voice. "You want it to be yours?"

DiNozzo smiled slightly and looked thoughtful. The elevator doors were open and they stepped in with the other two. As the doors slid shut Tony whispered, "Maybe," a little too loudly because Gibbs wasn't the only one who had heard him.

Maybe! Tony said maybe. Ziva and Tim grinned and at the same time gleefully proclaimed, "We're going to The Maury Show."

The End


End file.
